Absolutes.
I see them talked about and written about in print and online all the time. BOLD, PROUD, DECLARATIONS...
"I NEVER give out business cards."
"I ALWAYS give out business cards to everyone I meet.
"I ALWAYS require a loan pre-qualification letter before showing a house. No reason to waste time otherwise."
"I NEVER require a loan pre-qualification letter."
"If a buyer won't meet me at my office first, then it is clear they are NEVER serious about buying."
"You NEVER listen to me."
"You ALWAYS leave the lid up."
You get the idea.
Now, here is what I find interesting about this type of thinking (side note... it does not mean I am right, just what I think is interesting):
1) When it is someone talking about themselves, they often (notice I did not say always) appear to be trying to force structure on things that are, honestly, not naturally that structured.
2) When talking about others, the absolute is rarely accurate. "ALWAYS" and"NEVER" are rarely used correctly. They are accurate words, just often misused and for exaggerations that may not really be useful to the context.
3) The speaker often ignores that while some people will conform to their forced structure or declarations, many people will flee this behaviour (and do so quickly). In business, there are some people we prefer flee. But are you sure the ones fleeing you are the right ones?
4) Being "right" appears to be very important in the discussion. Even more important than being helpful, successful or, in extreme case, polite.
Naturally, there are absolutes that are critical in life and business. For instance, I suggest we all ALWAYS treat others as we would like to be treated.
At the same time, I am working very hard to be sure that I understand that sales and communication and business rules are best considered guidelines that we use and apply as appropriate to all of the others we interact with each day. Not a set of rules that can never be flexed. I hope I do this well more days than not.
The business world is very dynamic. People are very dynamic. Be sure your approach to both has structure but remains dynamic enough to be the best it can be. Absolutely.
Too many conversations end up being about winning & losing and not about learning.
Drew
Drew Sygit (The Lending Edge) Real Estate Financing Expert (The Lending Edge) Drew, you are very correct. Some Dale Carnegie and Stephen Covey reading can be very enlightening to folks that may have no idea that they are even doing that. Good point! G
One of my pet peeves is people (agents) who always talk about themselves; how many deals they have going, how great they are, etc. They want everyone to know just how good they are at what they do. Speaking of Stephen Covey, he has good advice for them; "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
Wow. Eye opening.
Michael Mackey (R) ABR, CRS, GRI, RSPS (CENTURY 21 All Islands) Michael, the need to be important is so deeply ingrained. We all want to be valued. The challenge is to accept we have value without requiring or demanding others validate us. Compliments are nice but without our own approval, life is tough. All the best!! G
Greg Nino Houston Texas (RE/MAX West Houston Professionals) Greg, I got a kick out of your comment in conjunction with your photo. Big eyes! Thanks for dropping by! G
Whew! Thought I was the only one that can't stand all structure and no dynamics. (to use your words). Like people to be "think outside the box" and not stay inside wondering why the world is going on without them.
Glenn- This was really interesting to read. I think that people throw around words like 'never' and 'always' without giving them much thought, but they really do alter the way we speak and think.
Words like never and always are red flags! Very few statements deserve such strong wording.
So true!! I sometimes find myself using 'absolutes,' mostly because I am very enthusiastic about the topic. However, if someone else uses these words to me, I react in the same way you said above; write them off! Thanks for the reminder!
Ron Bridges (ERA Wilder Realty, Inc.) Ron, I love that... "stay inside wondering why the world is going on without them." I can picture them, standing at the window, confused and baffled. Thanks!! G
Ilyce Glink (Think Glink Publishing) Ilyce, I tend to be literal to the extreme, so that can be a problem when I hear others. If they say "always," I assume they may really mean it. I have to translate it to find the assumed meaning. Talk radio is filled with this type of absolute speak. G
Erica Ramus, CDPE / Realty Executives / 570-622-6006 x301 Hi Erica, you are "absolutely" correct! :-) G
Bekah Casaday (ERA Oxford Realty) Hi Bekah, that is interesting. Perspective is a strange thing and so many of us forget there are multiple perspectives for all we do. I have to work at it too! G
I think it is best to practice policies that work for you. In this business they are so many variables you have to get into your groove and work it . Then adjust accordingly depending on how things are going. It is hard to live by someone else's rules.